for now, the only thing we're growing on this farm is kids - not the goat variety

Problems when Potty Training Boys

Hey Friends,

With B’s permission, I’ve put her e-mail message here. We can use this page to share ideas concerning potty training. All the posts will be in one place, and we can easily respond to others’ comments/ideas.

Here is the question she asked:

hello moms!
I’m sending out a plea for help to those of you who have experience potty training a boy!! We have begun potty training with B (my oldest, 2 1/2 years old) this week and there have been some ups and downs. Any tips? Advice? Anything that worked great for you? Please share! I feel like I’m making this up as we go! Here are some of
the issues we are facing…
-B tells me he is going – not before – but as he is going or even after. Could this mean he is just not ready?
-Sometimes he will sit on the potty for several minutes – reading books or whatever, nothing happens. He gets up, we put his pants back on and a few minutes later, he’s wet. We are using the Gerber cloth training pants. Should I go back to diapers? Or just press on? We do use diapers for naps and bedtime still.
-Sometimes he is fine when I tell him to sit on the potty. Sometimes he lays down and cries. I’m just not sure if I should continue through this tough time (when does it get better? Will we ever be able to leave the house again?) or if I should
put if off for another month or two or three.

 

If anyone could offer any helpful hints or advice, I would be so grateful!!
Thank you!!

 

Potty-training challenged,
B

Here is my response to her.

Dear B,

In my experience, at 2 1/2 years, my boys have not been able to tell me when they need to pee. They were, though, able to urinate when I asked them too. So, I had to proactively take them to the potty every hour or two. My 2 1/2 year old (who I call “doodle” on this blog) has been able to pee in the potty for a year now, but he still doesn’t tell me in time. He seldom empties his bladder in his pants, though. He’ll squirt in his training pants, then come and tell me he has to pee and then put the rest in the potty. We’ve tried to get him to TELL me when he needs to…and I’ve decided that he’s just not able/ready. (He always tells me when he needs to poop though. More on that later.)

Here’s how we got my oldest (known on the blog as “Carman”) familiar enough with his processes so that he could pee on command. I spent 3 mornings in a row on the kitchen floor with him and had him drinking juice or whatever he liked so that he would drink a lot. If drinking slowed down, I’d give him a salty snack so he would drink more. Whenever the pee would come, I’d say, “Pee pee, Carman” and try to catch it in the potty bowl. If, together, we could get even a drop in the bowl, he’d be rewarded with a piece of candy (candy corn or dried fruit.) (Until that day, Carman had never had candy, so he was very motivated to earn more. I have not been as diligent with Doodle about withholding the sweets, and consequently he has not been as motivated by the candy.)

After 3 days of this, he knew what it felt like to release those muscles and was able to pee when I asked.

A reinforcement we used with the boys was letting them pee outside on a leaf. They loved it, and we’ve had enough backyard privacy to be able to do that. I have a friend who would float cheerios or fruit loops in the toilet and let her boys aim and pee. Big fun.

As they got better about producing on command, I’d offer a reward (dessert, a bike ride, or a park outing the next day) if he could stay dry all day long.

Have you heard of elimination communication? I used it loosely with my older daughter “Sudoku” and Doodle and it made producing on command much easier for them. Also, they were willing to poop in the potty for me at a young age and could communicate that well, but Carman was resistant to pooping in the potty for a long time. I think the elimination communication method has a lot of merits…but that too is not easy.

It’s great that B (your oldest) is telling you when or after he goes. At least that way you can learn his patterns and try to take him to potty proactively. He might be uncomfortable (not relaxing) on the potty. Maybe he’d be comfortable doin it outside?

I think keeping him in training pants or cotton diapers is a good idea. You want him to feel the wetness, you know?

Just some ideas. Good luck!

Hope you all are well. Your children are beautiful, B.

-Milkmaid

3 Comments

  1. beck38

    B, I do think your son is ready for this process.

    With my kids, I’ve seen that success tends to come in short bursts after long periods of consistent efforts. (…and loads of laundry) So hang in there!

  2. Milkmaid

    Here’s a sum-up of someone else’s comments. She said wearing nothing at all worked for her son. The first few times it made a big mess. But he soon realized that if he didn’t run to the potty, there would be nothing to “catch” the pee.

    She also said that if that doesn’t work, what a month or so and try again.

    I realize now that I didn’t make it clear that for the time we spent on the kitchen floor, my boys were bare from the waist down.

  3. Milkmaid

    An update from B:
    Hi everyone!
    I just wanted to say thanks for all of the wonderful advice! I also wanted to
    give an update. We combined different ideas and tips for what we thought
    would work best for B. The first week was really rough (that’s when I sent out
    my plea for help). I was ready to back off and wait a few months when
    B really surprised me. We continued the training pants during the day at
    home and I tried to relax a lot more. He began using the potty and even having
    accident-free days! We still use diapers for naps and bedtime and pull-ups
    when we go out. We have not reached perfection – he still has an occasional
    accident, but he has learned a lot! He knows when he has to go and he can wait
    until he is on his potty. He also likes to pee outside in our designated area
    of the yard. He is feeling big and so proud! And one nice surprise is that
    his nap time diaper is usually dry because he uses the potty before his nap and
    right when he wakes up. Then we put his underwear (training pants) back on and
    save the diaper for bedtime. He also usually keeps his pull-ups dry. He
    used the big potty at church on Sunday and kept his pull-up dry. I told him we
    would buy some big boy underwear soon and he has his heart set on Thomas the
    train underwear. So thanks for the help – I know it is a process and we are
    still on our way, but the going is much smoother now!

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